bet’s

‘Rorate’, a step towards Christmas..

I like dat mebbe not everybody knows abt ‘rorate’,, well, me too!*at 1st* Until I attended Christmas Concert that was presented by Creative Musical Group-STT Jakarta. It said dat ‘rorate’ is d name of d 4th week of Advent,, means diz week..

The concert itself was marvellous!!! They didn’t use many music instruments, only organ, piano n some traditional music instruments,, I like d idea of using d traditional music instruments n d choir! For me,, it means dat if we praise d Lord, it doesn’t need a lot of music instruments! D important thing is wot come from d heart,, n I think dat wot they did. Good! 2 thumbs up!!!

Actually, for d last couple days,, I found myself full of Christmas spirit,, I attended Christmas concerts, played and sang Christmas songs, everything abt Christmas!!! How I love it!

Then I think,, dat’s not d main idea for d Christmas,, It’s not abt d celebration, d songs, d gifts, d Christmas tree, etc. NOPE! It’s not abt it,, Rite now,, I have this on my mind, "So diz is Christmas,, wot have I done? "

Dat’s a good question,, WOT HAVE I DONE???

Gosh,, I dunno,, wot have I done? Wot have I done for others? I guess d answer will b NOTHING!! Well, mebbe I did something,, but it aint worthed with wot God has done for me,, I admit dat for diz last 2 years,, I was too busy thinking abt myself,, I run away from all d good things dat I used to do,, in fact all d good things dat once I had in me,, seems dissappeared,, I bcum some1 dat I don’t even recognised,, —Until now,, I work very hard 2 put myself back together,, I really do!—

Sometimes I think,, "Hey, wot’s wrong with me? Is it being live in Jakarta changed me a lot?" Well, dat’s not an excuse, a lot of ppl who live in Jakarta still do d good things hehehe.

I dunno,, some ppl said dat I’m a good person *hmmm, so flattered :p* but 4 me,, rite now,, coz I’m starting to be far from Him,, I feel something missing,,feels like in d middle of nowhere *I’v ever been in diz position b4, so awful :(* 

Diz aint good!! I gotta b changed!

After all d blessings,, how could I turn myself away from Him,,

Once, sum1 told me dat d stumble-block will b tougher than b4 after we committed ourselves to Him,, n it’s true,, coz for me,, d stumble-block is ME,, MYSELF,, I

Pagi ini,, gw bertemu seorang bapak tua,, dia ringkih, tampak kesakitan, n wajahnya penuh iba - dia ngeliat gw -

Awalnya, gw g mo gubris, I just thought "Hey, he’s just pretending it. He’s alrite, he just want me to have pity for him!"

Tp ada suara yg bilang k gw utk bertanya k bapak tua itu,, dia dari mana, apakah dia sakit, dia mo kemana, semuanya.. Akal sehat gw ato mungkin pikiran jahat gw bilang "Ngapain,, dia boong. Sekarang semua orang mengatasnamakan kemiskinan,, jd akan melakukan apa aja spt mendapatkan uang."

Pikiran yg lain bilang kl gw harus bertanya,, akhirnya gw bingung.. GOd, wot should I do? SHould I help him or not? I’m afraid he’s just pretending, and it’s not right,, I dont like it.. I hate being fooled.

Lama kelamaan gw berpikir lg *UHH,, mikir terus hehehe* "Hei, kok gw jd begini ya,, mo nolong aja mikir, kl semua org kyk gw gmn jdnya dunia ini? *hehehe* Gw jg inget,, kl gw lg butuh bantuan orang dan tidak ada yg ngebantuin gmn? Sedih kan.. absolutely awful! I try to put myself into his position,, n I started to cry,, Kok gw jahat ya,, mo bantu orang aja mikir, malah gw menghakimi bapak tua itu, bahwa dia berbohong dll… gmn kl gw ngalamin hal spt dia? Butuh pertolongan, tp bukannya ditolong, malah dihakimi orang.. :O

Mungkin akhirnya klise,, bahwa pikiran jahat gw kalah I asked him many things,n his answers r so sad,, One thing for sure,, I just have to help him! He do needs help!! He can’t stand, he needed my hands to stand, his body is so fragile.

I do cry at d bus station, coz I remember dat I had bad thoughts towards him before,, meanwhile many people just stared at us wondering..

Gosh, I don’t care abt others,, where’s LOVE? Trnyata I’m like d world! Or I am d world? Thx God,, ‘dat voice’ is always talk to me @ dat time..

Gw belajar banyak hal pagi ini,, bahwa gw masih harus belajar mengasihi orang lebih lagi,, bahwa gw ga berhak utk menghakimi orang lain,, bahwa menjadi pengikutNYA memang tidak gampang,, banyak hal.. n yg paling parahnya,, gw mulai berubah menjadi seseorang yg gw sendiri mulai tidak kenal… :(( mungkin pengaruh dr banyak hal n gw mulai menjauh drNYA??? So help me GOD…