bet’s

Few days ago, I had a big quarrel with my dad, diz aint d 1st time, but 4 d hundred of times :)) I dunno, I know wot he told me r rite.. but mine r rite too!!! I appreciated his opinions, he should appreciated mine too… but he isn’t!!! He told me not too weak in handling any probs, well I AM NOT, I AM A STRONG PERSON!!! It just I can’t b a strong person in front of him…. I always think dat he’s underestimating me… I dunno, mebbe dat’s just my feeling… wot I can say, I am just being me.. n I think it’s not enough for him… His expectations towards me r hUGe!!! Mebbe I will b wot he wants me to b.. but not in a sudden time, it takes time… and it could b in such a long time…

At dat time, I felt want to runaway… go to grand’s home or other relatives, perhaps Denpasar *mmh, I want to!* but I don’t hv money, I asked mom to gimme, but she won’t *LOL* pity me… then I just spent d whole evening at my room, without having dinner.. so starving… all I did was crying n crying n fell asleep hihihi… so silly…

I got confused now…

If I look back a few years ago… I graduated from Senior High School, I want to study at International Relation or Physhology.. but wot I can say I didn’t pass the UMPTN… then I went to UK, at first just want to study English for a year, then continue to take the bachelor degree. But my plans r not JC plans… many things happened, I decided to go home to Indonesia… I CRY!!! THE TRUTH IS I DIDN’T WANT TO GO BACK!!! But here I am in Indonesia… AgAiN! Hihihi

Actually I dont want to study law.. I still want to study HI or Psychology.. but I know my capabilities… I’v just got back from UK, n I don’t really remember any lessons :p so I chosed a SAFE ZONE, for me dat is LAW FACULTY..  coz I’m surrounded with LAW PPL hahaha. Though I was suggested to take EDUCATION FACULTY, it based on my EQ, IQ or wotever :p

After those horrible years I spent at Udayana University.. then I can breathe so relieve… I graduated!! One prob comes along.. wot should I do? Wot will I be? I dunno…

Well, I had a dream when I was a lil girl, and 4 me it’s so real. In fact, I believe it will b happen to me in d future… and all I wanna do is to fulfil dat dream… I know a way dat will lead me to dat dream… I pray for it, n I believe JC will bless dat for me.

But things seems go wrong… it’s hard for me to reach dat dream. Everything against me! I can’t stand it… it hurts… I believe in sumthing, but none of my families support me. DOESN’T IT HURT U? And seems there’s no way to go there… but I still believe dat those r my stumbling-blocks dat I’v to face… and at d end, I’ll get there! Unfortunately, it’s only me who only have d patience…

Then I realize mebbe JC wants me to help my dad… OK, I’m trying to do it. I’m trying to know LAW more… I’m joining training at LBH. I always go to his office, go to the trials so on. But it’s not enough, the love of LAW is still not shown up, mebbe a little, but not much! Beside, I can’t b all d time with my dad, coz we may have a quarrel… n it would affect both of us… hihihi… it did!

Now after all d quarrels n all d thoughts n everything…. I got confused. Me in d middle of nowhere again… should I pursue my dream? Should I help my dad? Or should I b sumthing dat I always refuse all d time, dat is bcum a teacher? Hmm, I wonder…

I need a break. I need to spend some time alone… so I can hear wot JC said. Living in Jakarta, makes me don’t hv time by myself. Well, time goes by.. and so with my probs! Hahaha

Lucky me, I can join d small group at YAF again, so I can share my probs with my friends… and by saying dat, it helps me though. Thx Kristin, Melda, YAF, everybody!! Most of all THX JC, I know dat there’s no concidence in my life, coz U’v already planned it!

Sometimes I think it would b alrite 4 me if I live far away from my family, coz I only did wot I wanna be n I’ll b d one who responsible 4 dat.. I’ll take all d risks! But sum1 said dat it means I’m runaway from d reality.. well, if dat’s d best way for all of us, WHY NOT? It means NO MORE QUARREL!!! But I dunno.. I still figure it out. One thing for sure.. I’v made up my mind… n just see where it goes…