bet’s

Gosh, here I am again… in d middle of nowhere… I just dunno wot I want anymore, wot I look for, wot I desire.. Seems everything blur in front of me Dunno which way to go Everything like a puzzle for me WOt should I do, Lord? So confused… Reach my hand, o Lord.. hold me…

Gosh… here I am again. With nothing to do, just go to dad’s office, talk, do some unnecessary things… just NUTTIN!!! Ha3. Pity me…

Wot I can say… KALABAHU is over, so diz is me without any status again!!! SUCKS!!!

Now, I’m at internet cafe, listening some ‘mellow’ songs dat make me so ‘mellow’ too! Wish I’ve &^%$&**&*!!!! Ha3x. Just remember, everything good at HIS time. AMEN!

Silly me, d bad habit of me always happen all d time! Yup, get easily fall in love!!! I want to erase diz, but seems it getting harder all d time he3, so help me GOD! I’m sick of diz… :p

Better enjoy my days like always rite?

THIS IS IT

So here I am… again!

For hundred of times…

At this point..

Try to figure out about everything

What’s wrong with me?

What do YOU want?

Tired to wait

Tired to hope

Tired to find

Tired of everything

Lemme know about it

Lemme feel about it

Lemme have it

Please gimme YOUR TRUST…

-April 18th, 2005-

*SUCKS! Gotta find another one. Thought it would b d last, maar het is niet hij Kunt u help mij, God? Ik heb moe, ik lust hij, maar ik kun niet… Gimme d one, pls. At least, so I can know how it’s like -LOL-*

I hate to say "Good bye"! I always do.

N I always ask myself ‘which one is better ‘meet sum ppl, know abt them, then say goodbye’ or ‘never meet them at all, so don’t hv 2 say goodbye’? Then I remembered one of my friends said to me, "Bet, if we don’t meet each other, then I will not know u, I will not have gr8 experiences or stories with u!" Well, she got d point!

So dat happen to me again. I have to say good bye to some people at KALABAHU 2005. If I remembered wot my aim to join diz training, n I know d aim is fulfilled! I have a lotta friends! From many places, with their own characteristics, n so on. Though I only met them for 1,5 months, but it seems I’ve known them 4 ages… I thank God for having them as my friends!

Many stories we’ve had together, good or bad, n wotever it is, it will strengthen our friendship. N I’ve just realised dat d meaning of friendship will show up when there’s a farewell. Then we’ll find out the power of d friendship!

I know it sounds so ‘melancholic’, but dat’s me! I can’t stand to keep apart from my friends, it happens all d time :p

Well, it’s so gr8 to know each of u, guys! Hope our friendship will last forever! Don’t 4get abt me, will ya…

It’s an interesting journey! First, we just want to observe abt d case in Texmaco.. then after abt 3 hours, we talked with d employees, we continue our journey to …. CIATER, CIHAMPELAS, BANDUNG, PUNCAK!!

Gosh, I enjoyed it so much! In fact, on d way, we played TRUTH OR DARE, and by this game, we shared some secret to each other… though I’m not sure whether wot they told me r true or not… I just felt so glad, coz seems there’s an intimacy amongst us… we bcum close each other…

We’r doin our best at diz observation, we really did!! We stayed up late just to make sure dat d observation done…

Well, I’m glad. Thx mate for letting me know abt each of u… thx 4 being my friends, too!!!

rGuess wot,

Kalabahu will b over soon!! Then one big question comes in my mind, wot am I going to do after diz? Gosh, I’ll b a person without status anymore pity me…. 

I’m not sure about anything anymore, wot will I do? Will I b at LBH or??? Hmm, gotta think all over it again…

So help me GOD!!!

Persimpangan Jalan

Bingung

Tak tahu harus harus berbuat apa

Tiada arah tujuan

Trasa hampa

Ku terpuruk

Jatuh dalam keputusasaan

Tetes air mata terus mengalir

Bergulir di pipi

Ku terperangkap

Berada di persimpangan jalan

Tuhan ku mohon…

Tuntun hambaMu ini

*Juli ‘03*

    B O S A N

Aku bosan dengan semua ini

Segala rutinitas yang tak jelas

Segala jadwal yang padat

Kehidupan yang tak menentu

Aku bosan dengan lingkungan sekitar

Kata-kata yang meluncur dari mulut orang

MANIS… tapi BERACUN

LEMBUT… tapi BERBISA

Gerak tubuh yang MEMPESONA… tapi MENJEBAK

Aku bosan

Dimana-mana kemunafikan terjadi

Semua serba pura-pura

Tak ada yang tulus

Tak ada yang murni

Hati ini sedih

Seperti teriris pisau rasanya

Ku tak ingin terbawa arus

Ku ingin tetap tegak berdiri

Aku mencoba tuk menjauhi semua itu

Menjadi berbeda dengan mereka

Aneh memang rasanya

Mencoba menjadi terang di kegelapan yang pekat

Hah, MUSTAHIL!

Aku goyah… sepertinya tak sanggup

Tuhan, ku memohon pertolonganMu

Rasanya lebih baik kuberlari

Menghilang dari semuanya

Tolong aku, ku tak sanggup lagi

Kalau boleh, ku ingin pertandinganku berakhir

Supaya ku tak jatuh ke dalam dosa lagi

…tapi aku tahu, bukan ini yang Kau inginkan

Tuhan, beri aku kekuatan…

*2002*

Yesterday, I went to YAF… We’d a small group there, my leader is KRISTIN!! Yup, my elementary’s mate!! ;;)

I forgot abt d theme, I just impressed abt d sentences ‘U R WHO U R 4 A REASON!!!’ It strengthen me dat everything dat happens in my life ain’t COINCIDENCE!!! GOD has already planned everything so well… HIS PLANS r WONDERFUL! So I don’t hv 2 b worry if bad things happen in my life, coz God has a beautiful plan behind all of its. JUST OBEY HIS WORDS, TRUST IN HIM…KEEP UR FAITH! Then u’ll b at d next level! Congrats!!! Hihihi, I’m so happy, diz discussion strengthened me!!!

Glad to meet and know others! We’r talking, sharing each other stories or experiences, giving opinions, and perhaps advises

In fact, when we discussed abt things dat we struggled for… I said dat I’v a lack of confidence to speak in English… I dunno why Then they gave me advises. They said I have to have a courage to say English, don’t worry if it’s wrong or not, just SAY IT OUT LOUD!!! Ha3x.

Actually, I dunno wot’s wrong with me, I do speak English, but I don’t have a courage to speak English in front of YAF’s members *LOL* SILLY Me, rite? Well, I try to! Have to!!!! So help me God!!!

Well, I’m so glad dat I went to YAF yesterday… I know it’s not a COINCIDENCE! God has already planned it!!!

Thx a lot JC, thx a lot friends…

I’v found a new star

Seems I’v already known it for ages

It shines so bright

Wish it will never fade away

Or worse, gone from my sight

- diz is a short poem dat I made during my lesson at KALABAHU… coz at dat time, I hv ‘butterflies on my stomach’ coz of sum1 :p *March 31st, 05*